a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
