I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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