she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
