"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
