The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
