You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
