Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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