none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
