I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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