honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
3pm strippers are depressing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
