Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
