the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
