Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
