So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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