people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
