she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
