I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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