what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
