I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
