only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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