Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
