i wish my penis had a tongue
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
