i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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