Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
