that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
