i just sent this text using only my big toe
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
