I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
