dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
