She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
