I puked a lego.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
