mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
