There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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