I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
