It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
