The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
