just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
