Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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