The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
