she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
