Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
