my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
