I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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