I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
