everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
