God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
