I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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