I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
