Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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