I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he thought i was a dude.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
