Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
