just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
