do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
