I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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